Ask Ciiku: How do I remain friends?

Got this question on curious cat

q1

Met this guy online and ended up really liking him (romantically)- until I met him. I’m not attracted to him at all but I still like him. How do I safely and kindly turn down his romantic advances, and only stay friends with him? 😬

Dear Anon,

It is always a bummer when things don’t turn out as you hoped them to. You liked this guy based on what I believe to be an online persona and sometimes people aren’t as they seem, things don’t always translate when it comes to face to face meetings. Based on the little information given however, I assume the fellow is attracted to you.

Obviously, it is important to be honest with him – which is the kind thing to do – and let him know that you are not attracted to him and that the relationship will not be as it had seemed but you would want to remain friends. You have to allow him to refuse to be only friends with you because it would be unfair to have an expectation that he would want to be friends and nothing more. There is no way to ensure that you will remain friends once you express your truth.

The other thing I found interesting in your question is that you asked for a “safe” way to tell him. Are you afraid that he may not take your honesty calmly and resort to some form of aggression? I don’t want to make any assumptions so please write back, I will do a part two response to this.

All the best.

Ciiku

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