Ask Ciiku: What is wrong with me?

All men I’ve dated, with the exception of one, have treated me really shittily. I’m clearly the denominator here. What’s wrong here? Are there some women who should just expect bad treatment from men? What should I fix? I’m at my wits end here.

Dear Anon,

I am sorry that you feel this way. And I have given this question a lot of thought because I do not want to respond with empty platitudes.

Let me start by saying that no woman should expect bad treatment from men. From anyone really. And you should not entertain such thoughts.

Allow me to ask a couple of questions; How well do you know yourself? Do you love yourself? Honestly and genuinely? Do you spend time with yourself? Do you think about how to better yourself for your own sake? Are you happy outside of being in a relationship? Do you have good and caring friends? Do you know what your ideal relationship looks like? Do you know why? Are you aware of what you need in a romantic relationship? And as a result do you seek people who have these traits?

When you look back at these relationships, do you think about how the relationships started? Do the men possess the characteristics of a person you would want in your life? How, in the first place did the relationships begin? Sometimes, and I am not sure this is the case with you, but sometimes we end up in relationships because someone gave us attention or coerced us into them. Not because they are the type of person we want to be in a relationship with. And then it ends up most times being a hurtful experience.

How do you fix this? One, don’t beat yourself over these men. Love yourself, grow and be a good, kind person. Know yourself and know what you want and why you want it. For your life and from people you let be in your life. Make good choices for yourself. But above all else, love yourself. It is a continuous process.

All the best,

Ciiku

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