Ask Ciiku: Should I dump my friend?

I have this friend, we’ve been friends for almost 10 years now but I’ve always felt stuck in this friendship. Even how we started this friendship was weird, she basically forced it until I gave in and started hanging out with her, like consciously forced it. A lot of things have changed since then but we have remained largely different, we hardly have anything in common and most times we hang out it ends in me feeling drained. We don’t share the same values and I find her way of thinking rather brow raising. She is also rather disrespectful to my family in small irritating ways that are easily avoidable. It’s great to have different ways of thinking and a versatile group of friends but how different is too different, think I should just bin it?

Seyi

Dear Seyi,

This is not a friendship in any way, shape or form. You need to let her go as soon as possible.

First, the fact that the foundation of the friendship is coercion is a cause of concern. From the onset, you as you say “gave in”. In addition, you feel drained when you hang out with her and on top of that, she doesn’t respect your family. Frankly, I am even surprised you give this lady any time. This friendship should have died a natural death long time ago. What is there to hold on to? Why do you allow yourself to spend time with her despite it draining you? Do you find it hard to say no to her? If so, why? “No” as is often say, is a complete sentence. Add it in your vocabulary. Those issues are enough for me to say that yes, you should definitely bin it. I am with you on having friends who think differently from you but I wouldn’t suggest that this means you should be friends with a misogynist, empty contrarian or an unethical or someone who has sketchy values (which you say she does.

Finally, I wrote something short on friendship. Please read here. And surround yourself with people who do not coerce you to be your friends.

Be unstuck.

Ciiku

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