Ask Ciiku: I’m conflicted about a Long Distance Relationship

A question on an LDR was initially asked on curious cat and I responded on there. Please click on this link to read. This is the follow up question:

I wrote in about that LDR earlier and this is a sort of follow up, we’ve been around each other now for a few weeks and the more we see each other the more the feelings are felt, so to say. I’ve come to a point where I am now confused and have basically cut off communication with this amazing person because I don’t want to ever have to think about rearranging my life and I doubt they would want to either. Should I just keep my distance and pocket my feels?

Anonymous

Dead Anonymous,

Have you read up on other people’s experiences with long distance relationships? We like to think that we are unique and that our relationships will turn out differently but the most part is that they don’t.

Do you know why your emotions are on overdrive? I have read a bit on LDRs and one article stated that when couples who are on LDRs are in the same physical space, after a while of not being together, the emotions are heightened. This is due to anticipation that builds up. In addition, the knowledge that they have limited time to be together, certain things are ignored and arguments are avoided. If I find this article I will post it on Twitter.

I am not sure what it is you want you want from your relationship in regards to distance but I can tell you that 1. The fact that you are asking means that distance, for you, is an issue and 2. Feelings are not everything. Yes they matter but they aren’t everything.

Now that you have cut off communication, I can’t tell you to talk to this person. But I wish you would. Please do. Honest communication seals the holes in the assumptions we make. Ask the person what they see for the future and if its not something you see yourself doing then it provides some clarity on how to move forward. Because if you don’t, every time you are in the same area code, you will keep being conflicted. You deserve that peace of mind.

Do it.

Ciiku

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