Ask Ciiku: I am in love, but he is broke

I’m really in love with a guy that’s 7 years older than me. But he’s broke. I make a great 6 figure salary, and he does work here and there. He’s a really diligent worker who’s been dealt some difficult cards. I have confidence that he’s going to make it eventually in this life but I don’t know if I should stick around and wait for it. I don’t want to be stupid and “build a man” and have him leave me when he’s made it. He’s kind and seeks to understand me. I feel cared for and appreciated by him. What do you think I should do?

S

Dear S,

I love words. They convey a lot. In your message you wrote the following things that stood out for me 1. That you are really in love. 2. That this guy is 7 years older than you 3. Your salary is great. 4. All the words to let me know that you knew he would “make it in life” and finally 5. How he treats you.

And you know, this bothers you to an extent. Do you feel like it is a bad thing to let go of someone who is broke yet in other aspects they are good? Is that the dilemma you have here? Why? Do you know?

I am quite curious also: how long have you been together? What discussions do you have about money? Do you think his personality will change when he gets money? Because you allude to it. When is eventually? Are you waiting that long? Is he that awesome? These are pertinent questions to ask.

I will not be the one to lie to you and say money doesn’t matter. It does and even more so is the communication around it. Wanting financial stability in your relationship is a valid want and you shouldn’t feel like this is something you should shy away from discussing openly. Demanding certain things from your partner is your right and honestly I know instances where resentment becomes compounded because of money issues. So please have a discussion on this and as you do, know yourself.

All the best.

Ciiku

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