Ask Ciiku: How do I dump this person?

I used to be so outgoing then suddenly just begin shrinking myself for someone that really has nothing to offer and I’m finally seeing it now. Where do I begin to get myself to feel as good as I did before? My friends don’t invite me to things and even stopped talking to me put altogether since I was always ‘busy’ How do I make new friends ? How do I begin to feel good about myself again? How do I dump said person in a nice way?

Anon

Dear Anon,

I am so sorry that this happened to you. I am glad that you have found yourself again. Love, or what we assign love to be is not supposed to make us dull. It is not supposed to steal from us. There are so many questions here and I will try my best to respond to them.

I think the first thing you need to do to get back to yourself is leave this person. I think wanting to dump someone in a nice way is being honest with them. There is no way you can avoid anger or hurt but you above all else need to be true to yourself. And at this point, this involves letting go of this relationship.

In terms of feeling good about yourself like you did before, you first need to forgive yourself. Sometimes when bad things happen, we blame ourselves for not knowing better. But now you do. So forgive yourself and start once again discovering yourself. Think of it as a lifelong journey. One which you will have to keep your eyes open because there will always be people who don’t want you to prosper. Read books, watch fun things, eat good food…. Find joy where you can. This can also include calling your friends and having conversations about what happened, if this is something you are comfortable suggesting. They may not be willing to and that’s fine. What’s more important is that you are doing right by yourself, trying new things, being honest to yourself.

Don’t let anyone steal that shine, OK?

All the best,

Ciiku

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