Ask Ciiku: I was assaulted

Hi Ciiku,

Something really weird happened to me about a month ago and I just blocked it out of my mind and emotions. I have back issues and so do many women in my life. We massage each other often. On a Saturday morning one of the women called me asking if she could come over for a massage. I agreed and she came over. She was pushy about it but I didn’t get to it until after a couple of hours due to other obligations. Even though I had not asked for a massage she insisted that she gives me one first. I agree since I am always in need of a back rub. She got oil, spread a mat on the floor and turned off some of the light. I took my dress off and left my undies on but she sat on my back facing away from me and took them off and started touching my vagina and mourning. I couldn’t get up or scream – I zoned out, out of fear and just went numb. When she stopped I turned and realized that she was fully naked. I didn’t know what to do or say afterwards. I massaged her she left and later on texted her about how I felt about it. She said she was sorry and that it wouldn’t happen again. I have not seen her since and don’t know what to do but I feel very violated and traumatized. It’s weighing me down and I just needed to tell someone.

Anon

Dear Anon,

I am so sorry for what was an assault. And for feeling violated and traumatized, which is expected after an assault.

From your note, it seems as though this was someone you knew well enough so for her to take liberty like this and then offer an apology especially only after you said something about it seems quite strange.

I have a couple of questions that perhaps will help you once you clarify things to yourself. I am sorry about your back problems. Do you think that for now it would be better to perhaps see someone professional to receive massages from? In addition, I think a professional counsellor could be someone you should consider seeing to discuss your feelings about what happened to you.

From your message you say that these massages happen as some form of group, is there a de facto leader you could speak to about your experience? This would probably ensure that this doesn’t happen to anyone else. I am a big believer in consequences and therefore this should also be the case for this lady before someone else is assaulted.

 

Be safe.

Ciiku

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