Mind Funk

It seems easy for me to say “I’m going through the most” without analysing exactly what that means. Right now I am going through something, I feel like things aren’t as I’d like in my life and I’m sad. I have random panic attacks and I cry more than I care to think about or even admit to people. I have tried to spend time thinking about what exactly this means for me, my life, my present and my future but I am unable to.

I have looked online for ideas on what I should do to help me think and feel my way through this and all it has done is remind me of how I start things I never follow through on.

  • Journal? Been there.
  • Walking? Done that.
  • Talking to people? It isn’t as easy as you would think.
  • Eat? Temporary High.
  • Music? Books? Only works for a short time.

I have to do something, don’t I? It can’t be that this cloud stays on my head, weighing on me. It cannot. Because life is still here. And it goes on. And it must be lived, no matter how pointless it seems at times.

Yrsa Daley-Ward says that you always feel if you do something different, change locations etc that you will feel better but if you don’t deal with the you that needs dealing with, it won’t go away. Basically that shadow part that you keep ignoring will keep coming back.

And that’s it, isn’t it? Retreating into myself isn’t the wave – thinking about, feeling, analysing this is the way to go.

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