Ask Ciiku: He isn’t a good communicator

Hello Ciiku

Thanks for setting this platform to provide advice. I have a guy friend who I like very much. We both are interested in each other but haven’t taken any steps to start a relationship. However, we don’t talk or meet up as much as I would like and the main reasons are that he is not the best communicator (he has told me so) and he has a crazy schedule. We usually don’t talk unless I reach out and this sucks. From your experience, can someone truly be super busy to the point where meeting up is a real struggle? Sometimes I feel like I am trying too hard to be in his life. I don’t know what to do about this as communication is very important to me.

Miss A

Miss A,

Thank you for your comment and for reaching out.

Now to your question, what about this friend do you like? That was my first question when I read your message. How do you know that he is interested in a relationship? I am only curious because you say he is not a good communicator. Being a good communicator is about many things: What is said, why it is said, how it is said and how often things are being said.

Based on what you say, I feel like the issue is how often you chat and I am going to assume that when it is you do talk, the man communicates clearly what he wants. One thing that I am reading from the subtext is that the man has said that he is a bad communicator with no intention of working on it. So you find yourself in a situation where you will have to accept him the way he is.

I know you said that you don’t know what to do but you do, don’t you Miss A. You say it in that same sentence…… “communication is very important to me”…. you even used “very”. This pretty much tells me that this is not something you are willing to look the other way about – and that is why you haven’t taken any steps to start the relationship, isn’t it? Why should you look away anyway? I am happy that you know what it is that you seek from someone you want to be in a relationship with. And you should remain true to yourself Miss A.

All the best,
Ciiku

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