Hi Ciiku,
I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3 months now and everything has been going great. I recently brought up that I would like to initiate a relationship in the near future thinking we are on the same page, when he revealed that he isn’t sure of what he wants, generally, and by extension, whether he wants to be with me.
What makes this incredibly confusing is that he says he loves me, and expects that we be exclusive. On the one hand his actions are affirming and make me feel secure in what we have at the moment- up until this moment he had not given me any reason to doubt his intentions/ actions. On the other hand it feels like he is comfortable with things as they are and doesn’t intend on moving things along but wants to keep me at arm’s length. (I want a clearly defined relationship and not this hanging-in-the-balance business, he knows that).
Am I being irrational for feeling all this discomfort and anxiety around his inability to declare *any* kind of intention for us/me? He says he needs time and this would be perfectly okay for me if he had any idea of what he wanted, but he doesn’t and it bothers me. Should I give him the benefit of doubt and give him the time he requires to think this through? Is 3 months too fast too soon or should I give us more time? Help!
Anon.