Ask Ciiku: I lost my baby

Hi Ciiku,

Around mid-June I got back test results for some stomach issues I had gone to get checked– I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I were elated even though we weren’t expecting the news, we are slated to be married next month, I chose well this time. Before Jamhuri Day I felt slightly sick but it passed after a few hours. A few days later it got worse and I was rushed to hospital. I lost my baby. I’ve had a network of friends and family support me, my boyfriend has been by my side the whole time, just as shattered. Among the reasons the doctor gave was my weight, which hadn’t been an issue before. It hurts to think that I was partly responsible for the miscarriage. I have always been body positive but this betrayal by my body, taking away a life I was waiting to usher and love. It hurts so much. I’m going for therapy but I just need a friendly voice to be honest and help me make sense of this. You are a person I think of as kind and wise. Please help.

Tee

Hi Tee,

I am so sorry about your loss, what you went through and what you continue to go through. I cannot even say that IĀ  understand what it is that you are going through, the pain, the questions.

I am glad you are going for therapy. It definitely is what you must do for yourself. I don’t think there is a way to make sense of this. I would be pretending if I said that I could help you make sense of this. I don’t think I honestly can.

Your letter reminded me of a letter that Cheryl Strayed of Dear Sugar responded to and I hope that the words she offered provide you with some form of comfort.

I am truly sorry.

Ciiku

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