The Desire for Desire

Desirability.

Being Desired.

Lately I have been thinking about how/why we desire to be desired. And how that impacts what we do, say (not say) – how we react etc.

See, I often wonder why, even if you don’t desire someone (sexually), you feel a type of way when they don’t desire you? Like, why do you have that expectation that someone should find you desirable?

Why is it for example, a legitimate comeback, to say “your man is in my DMs” or “your man wants me” or something related to being desired? This is also cringingly male gaze-y.

If you are not desired, do you exist? (please listen to Mary Lambert’s Body Love)

I was talking to my friend the other day about this very thing. How for women, we are taught that being desired is a good thing – whether we desire the person back or otherwise – and how on top of that, we have to want to be the only one desired. (In the same way that men feel that desiring a woman should be something women are grateful for). It is a fucked up thing.

Another of my issue with focusing on desire is that we ignore red flags from people because “at least they want me.” As if that is enough. Or that it should be enough.

I don’t have any solid conclusion to this thing. I’m thinking through things that we believe in that make no sense to me.

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