In reading Brene Brown she says:
Living a connected life ultimately is about setting boundaries, spending less time and energy hustling and winning over people who don’t matter, and seeing the value of working on cultivating connection with family and close friendsBrene Brown – Daring Greatly
I found the concept of “winning people over” quite fascinating. Because sometimes we aren’t connecting in the way we think we are. In actual fact we are hustling and trying to win people over because we believe we should be friends. Maybe we share the same values (or implied values), we think they are cool, social capital, we want to be associated with them etc etc. But for what? To what end?
I’ve come to realise some (most??) heart break is self inflicted like in the case where you are insistent on someone being in your life and yet they have proven time and time again that they don’t want to be (and this isn’t victim blaming warriors, there is a point to what I’m saying).
Match energies beloveds.
I think one of the revelatory things that happened as I was reading The Friendship Cure last year, events, conversations, life, was the realisation that concepts or ideas I had about certain friendships was not the reality (kwa ground things zilikuwa different).
And that’s why matching energies, going where you are wanted is that thing good people. This is why, if a friend only calls you for fun times, then trying to make that friend a confidant for life things is a waste of your good time. If you can’t accept being the fun time friend, you know you have the option to let that relationship go, right? Wanting to be wanted is a thing but like also we should know better, right?
Relationships are much more than “good vibes“. And honestly we know where we are wanted, we know what energies are being sent our ways. Even when we try to convince ourselves otherwise.
My friend asked me how to differentiate hustling/ trying to win people over versus when it is a genuine connection. Because connecting isn’t an easy process I don’t think. But also can we say that we cannot differentiate? Like truly, if you are self aware, can you not differentiate? 🤔
We often talk of emotional intelligence. What of it? It applies, yes?
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