Do you like that person or do you like the attention they give you?

In the same vein are you heart broken because you loved them or because you feel that you are not the kind of person who is broken up with?

What do we do with these people who assign morality to rich people?

And what do we do with those who refuse to analyse privilege and the role in their lives?

Do men even understand how patriarchy affects them?

Why are men so comfortable saying “I know how men are”?

Do the men who understand how patriarchy affects them care? I have been reminded of this video.

This race towards “most woke person“, who asked for it? Also being aware of oppression + knowing the literature behind it =/= being a good, kind, helpful person.

Why is it easier to tell women to lower their standards? Oh wait – I know the answer to this one.

Why is it commonplace to assume women don’t know who they are, what or who they want and must therefore listen to others?

With all the knowledge, why aren’t we getting better?

While I have known the sentiment “nice guys won’t save us” to be true, I was recently reminded of why it is.

As I listened to this conversation happening around me, I remembered the Marilyn Frye quote:

“To say that straight men are heterosexual is only to say that they engage in sex (fucking exclusively with the other sex, i.e., women). All or almost all of that which pertains to love, most straight men reserve exclusively for other men. The people whom they admire, respect, adore, revere, honor, whom they imitate, idolize, and form profound attachments to, whom they are willing to teach and from whom they are willing to learn, and whose respect, admiration, recognition, honor, reverence and love they desire… those are, overwhelmingly, other men. In their relations with women, what passes for respect is kindness, generosity or paternalism; what passes for honor is removal to the pedestal. From women they want devotion, service and sex. Heterosexual male culture is homoerotic; it is man-loving.”

Marilyn Frye, The Politics of Reality: Essays in Feminist Theory

Yes, I have read the entire essay and I think it is very relevant to what I am talking about.

In the same essay she (Marilyn Frye) talks about male solidarity in women-hating as it sets women apart and below men. And if you think about it and as was happening in this conversation, men will not call their misogynistic and rape-y friends out because they want to maintain that solidarity with their fellow men. Do men like women outside of the utility they get from them?

And since maleness and masculinity as depicted in the world is something that men believe they grant to other men (and therefore can snatch it at any given time) – the so called nice guys tow the line. This is why you’ll hear them say “he is that way” or “don’t mind him he talks like that” and other phrases that puts burden of action on women. There is that approval men seek from other men that goes to show the rest of us that there is really no point in that lauding of nice guys ™️. Like, what is the point? I don’t get it.

I often think about something I read about the fact that it doesn’t benefit nice guys to contradict misogynistic men even though they do not agree with them or share the same values. And why is that? Is it because they also as well don’t see anyone else as human except men?

Anyway, these videos are interesting.

When TEFB sent out the email about their new show I went to their Twitter timeline and read a thread about Jimmi Gathu.

Jimmi Gathu is such an integral part of Kenyan culture. And I’m not only talking about what he has done on radio or shows he has acted on. I am also including how as a kid and watching him, he was part of our lives. I don’t think I can aptly explain how it was as a kid watching him and knowing he is good at what he is doing, and like we knew he was a big deal.

You hear Americans and especially African Americans talking about watching Yo! MTV Rap and 106 & Park and what that means for the culture. Comparatively for us, it was Kasskass, Rhythmix and all the other shows Jimmi Gathu hosted. I don’t think kids now understand how much of a big deal he was, we watched his wedding on TV and for a time before social media, this was momentous!!!

And let’s talk about this song and video

First of all, as a kid watching this, you could not tell me this was a Public Service Announcement. As far as I was concerned, it was a song; pure and simple. And also Knowing, like actually being aware that Jimmi Gathu was (and is) good looking. Whew.

I would watch a documentary on Jimmi Gathu. He needs and deserves all the flowers.