Things That Make Me Cringe

cringe
in British English

VERB (intransitive)
1. to wince in embarrassment or distate

Parents who think their children owe them anything. You chose to bring them into the world and you think that they owe you? That they should be grateful for that? Make it make sense.

People who say “I married my best friend” or “your husband is your first child” etc

People who think soulmates are only romantic partners.

Women who respond to other women in their men’s DMs.

People who debate with those committed to misunderstanding them.

When I remember some shit I’ve done and said. *cringe times 1,000*

I Am Not Your #Goals

There is nothing I reject like being anyone’s goals. I hate when people tell me I am their goals in any way, shape or form. I reject being put on a pedestal for many reasons, primary of which is being put on a pedestal dehumanizes people and doesn’t give people the space to make mistakes.

I am always saying that I don’t know what I am doing and even aspects of my life that seem “interesting” or “dope” are mostly as a result of privileges afforded to me.

I was listening to Alok Vaid-Menon talking about their 2021 resolutions and they said something I would like to share. This isn’t verbatim but the gist is there

The only way we know how to love people is by putting them on a pedestal. What we should be doing is putting them on our dinner table, sitting across from them saying “hey human” but what we know how to do is create altars of one another which dehumanizes

In short, we really must question why we don’t spend time being our best selves and rather spend it looking at others, declaring them goals and then judging their every decision, action etc.

Things That Have Happened Recently

(and my thoughts on them)

Lyrics

My friend’s mum said “Men should stop singing about women. They should find something else to sing about and leave women alone.” This was after we discussed the prevalence of lyrics along the lines of what Sauti Sol sang in “Susannah” And truly if men don’t sing lamenting about women leaving them for rich men, what will they sing about?

“Investing”

Why do real estate developers assume the stance “if we build it they will come” because sometimes I wonder why someone would think people would buy houses in random locations because of the unproven sentiment that it is an “investment.” And further, why people assume that real estate is always going to be a fruitful investment.

To Be Desired

The other day while on TikTok I watched this video that had clipped this video essay by Mother Contrapoints. In it, Natalie says that to be desired by men is not the same as being attracted to men. If you have been reading this blog/newsletter, I have been mulling over desire quite a bit and this was something else to add onto what I continue to think about. I do enjoy her channel so please watch it if you can. Also, one video from The Take brought something else into light, about how men have the charm to find their way into relationships but lack the charm to maintain the relationships (I can’t remember which video it was).

Normal

First, what is the opposite of normal? It is often abnormal. Many times when the word normal is used, what exactly are you trying to mean? I really dislike when people use the word normal in certain instances. For example normal hair to mean straight hair (and therefore making curly, afro, dreadlocks not seem normal). Or normal size to mean thin or average sized (and therefore fat not being normal). Or normal people to mean heterosexual (and therefore making the LGBTQ+ seem not normal). That shit is ridiculous and people need to stop saying it.

Random Thoughts For The End of Year

  • While time is a construct and whatnot, the end of year still feels like a thing, you know?
  • Sometimes we think we are missing out because society makes it seem like we should want something that many other people want or are doing. But when we interrogate further, we realise we do not even remotely care.
  • I don’t need what I thought for years that I needed. What a reset this year.
  • Boundaries…. boundaries is where it is at. We really must set boundaries for peace of mind (and the same time respect other people’s boundaries).
  • Writing on this blog and in my newsletter was good for my spirit in very many ways.
  • I hope I get back to reading soon because WOW. The Struggle has been real.
  • Long form videos are what sustained me. And TikTok. And Candy Crush Saga. I wrote about more stuff that sustained me here.
  • HOT TAKE – I think people need to stop hyping rich kids or people who present as rich. Access to money does not make you inherently talented.
  • Sometimes it bothers me that I have yet to do a “music that made my 2020” post. Because we got absolutely awesome music this year. But energy is lacking.

Let It Be

Quite often I realise how much I need to unlearn. Things I was socialised to believe but are really detrimental to me living a full life.

unlearn
discard (something learned, especially a bad habit or false or outdated information) from one’s memory.

Someone once told me that my posts are negative. It was a sort of critic, a suggestion that I should be more positive.

First of all, I am a big proponent of “feel your feelings” which if you read my posts, you are aware. Secondly, I do not ascribe to the forced positivity mentality that is a thing on social media. You often see people talking about struggles they go through, self doubt, moments of depletion and how positive thinking was the magic button that changed everything.

And you know what? Good for you……. it is not for me. I am not trying to sell anything. I am being. Just being.

And yes, I have tried it. It took me unlearning to get where I am. Do you know how easy it is to jump on a bandwagon? To accept something as a thing you believe in because everyone else is saying/doing it? To ignore your feelings so you can do what is expected of you or what people want you to do or doing things because everyone else around you is doing it? (Please note that I am not saying one should stew in their negativity.)

If there is something I don’t want to do any longer is hold on to opinions, beliefs because it is what I have always thought. I also don’t want to get new opinions and beliefs that are problematic, unkind, mean. I think the point is to always be willing to learn, being open to new information and realising that being wrong isn’t a death sentence. It is the path to development.

And love. Love always.

PS: This is a draft of a blogpost I have had from last year.

Humanly Emotions

From IG account @seerutkchawia

I have been thinking about emotions and how we are told that some emotions should be suppressed. The truth is, we feel how we feel and what is more important, in my opinion, is knowing why we feel what we feel. If we don’t investigate that then how do we even know ourselves?

If you are jealous about someone/something – what insights does it provide for you?

If you are disgusted by something someone has done – why is that the case?

Suppressing them does not serve us.

Help Me Out

I am looking to read some interesting fan fiction, where should I start? Please help.

I am still struggling to read but I want an emotional book, what emotional book have you read? Please help.

I am still looking for reasonably priced, cotton pajama sets. Do you know where I can get? Please help.

What site are you using to watch anime? Please help.

I Donated my Wedding Dress

If you’ve been following on Instagram, I was looking for ideas on what to do with my wedding dress and the result of the poll that I posted was that I should donate it.

Anyway a couple of people don’t understand how I am not attached to this dress. I don’t see the point. It can’t fit me, I don’t plan to ever wear it again and I’m not into the romanticism that I’ll give it to my hypothetical daughter (which to me is big nonsense).

Anyway, after googling, I found a center that runs a bridal shop in Ngando. I chatted with them on Facebook and yesterday I went and donated it.

The center is called Tazama Nia and the shop is called Celebration Bridals. On Ngong Rd if you are coming from Karen side, after the Kenol petrol station, make the next left and then at the next junction make the next right and after about 900 meters you’ll see a sign for Fountain Secondary and it’s that right turn. They are on Google maps in any case.

They also accept bridesmaids dresses and wedding suits for men in case you are looking to donate those.

According to the lady at the shop the donations are primarily from abroad since the whole idea was by a foreigner and that I was the first Kenyan to donate a dress. That made me glad.

(According to her, Kenyans are determined to be buried in their wedding dresses that’s why they hold onto them, which is a valid point but please!)

I thought I’d be sentimental about the whole thing but I was not. I hope the dress finds a good home.

They also make jewelry

Random Things I’ve Remembered

Lately I have been remembering random things from decades past. I am writing them down as I go.

I watched all seasons of Sex and the City over a couple of days when I was in undergrad. I went and borrowed them from Blockbuster, bought snacks and didn’t sleep.

I told my dad I wanted to play golf in my teens and he told me that he doesn’t trust golf men. Read into that what you will.

While in grad school, We reconnected with the dude I had a crush on in primary school. He asked to borrow money.

When I was in primary school I was convinced I was adopted, which I wrote in my diary, which my mum read.

The first piece of music I ever bought was Tevin Campbell’s I’m Ready album on tape. I got it from some dude who was selling it outside the Caltex that used to be at Pangani (where the Jubilee House is currently located).