The Problem With #CoupleGoals

A couple who were doing coupley content on TikTok broke up and the ensuing comments have been truly something to behold and it gave me the final push to talk about this concept of Couple Goals.

Goals

noun

the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result

Like many things that have been commodified – other people’s relationships are something we are told to aspire to – despite the fact that we have no idea what the totality of the relationship is about. As I keep proclaiming, being coupled is seen as an achievement due to the hierarchy of relationships with romantic relationship being seen as the apex – the highest achievement. And not so much the quality of the relationship even but rather that you attained it.

And that’s why people love the idea of couple goals because it gives them this rose coloured glasses view of how relationships ought to be. From my observation, we often say people are couple goals because they are portraying an aesthetic we desire (or are told we should desire). Beauty and youth are especially heralded. If they follow social norms, live a conventional life – the better (date, engaged, marry and then children) – most variances to this are rejected. If their social media presence shows wealth, travel and a curated aesthetic – even better; manufactured vulnerability is interpreted as intimacy.

I find it all so unimaginative.

Alaine de Botton often says that we assume that love should come naturally to us and that it shouldn’t be work or something we should learn which, is a product of romanticism, of which I am not a fan. People also have that ridiculous expectation that those in their lives should somehow automatically know how to love them. But then it brings to question, do people even know how they want to be loved? Or are they looking at other coupled people and picking from what they doing and deciding that whatever it is someone is getting, it would work for them to? Is that why these people become #Goals? Do people seriously think that they can gauge relationships from snippets they see online?

When couples separate or have issues publicly, suddenly you see comments “love is dead”, “if they didn’t make it who will”, ” I don’t believe in love anymore” and such like statements. My first instinct is to think it all hyperbole but truly there are people whose values on romantic love are derived only from what they consume on social media. Making choices because they see other people make them.

And that’s tragic.

I Said What I Said

It’s fascinating how people confuse someone being good looking and being attracted to them.

For everyone who has ever wondered how R Kelly got away with everything he has done for so long, just look at what Kanye is doing. And the excuses people make because someone made a piece of music that they like is mind blowing.

I truly believe that most of the things people view as status symbols are trappings of capitalism and I am therefore rarely impressed by the performance put forth to show wealth.

I wonder how all the kids who were born so parents could make content will be when older. I hope they’ll be okay.

Congruently, I think we should celebrate parents who bring up kids well. All that hoopla spent on congratulating people on being pregnant should be saved for how they bring up kids.

Also, let’s take a moment and think about class and showers (baby and bridal). 🤔🤔🤔

Do you sometimes feel like classed people think they know more about love and don’t think non classed people do?

Buying Your Way Out of Despair

I was watching someone on YouTube buy and talk about sneakers and thought about consumerism, hyper consumerism, individualism and how marketing and advertising has convinced us that we can buy our way out of despair that the very nature of capitalism keeps us in.

I remember having to sit with my thoughts about how travel is sold to us as an experience and yet it is just another way to buy something with little to no regard of the places we are going to, environmental impacts of travel and the indigenous peoples who live in the places we go to.

I mean even how it seems we are missing out on something if we don’t buy it – I find that to be so ludicrous. Advertisers are basically creating desire. Out of nothing. We don’t need most of the things we are buying or even as much as we end up buying. What do those many shoes do for me?

And I think this is the insidiousness of celebrity and/or influencer culture, because it predicates everything they are trying to sell as though they have uncovered the key to what life means and they will show the rest of us how to achieve it, by buying things. These are people we are meant to admire and want to be like so OF COURSE we must want whatever it is they are selling. “I am worthy because I bought this thing that a celebrity uses” LOL, please.

Anyway – I guess, actually I know – that contentment is KEY. And to achieve that, self awareness is important such that you know that you are consuming/buying things for specific reasons. A high sense of self is also important because then you aren’t deriving your worth as a human from things you consume and mostly you are good with where you are at any one moment.