I Donated my Wedding Dress

If you’ve been following on Instagram, I was looking for ideas on what to do with my wedding dress and the result of the poll that I posted was that I should donate it.

Anyway a couple of people don’t understand how I am not attached to this dress. I don’t see the point. It can’t fit me, I don’t plan to ever wear it again and I’m not into the romanticism that I’ll give it to my hypothetical daughter (which to me is big nonsense).

Anyway, after googling, I found a center that runs a bridal shop in Ngando. I chatted with them on Facebook and yesterday I went and donated it.

The center is called Tazama Nia and the shop is called Celebration Bridals. On Ngong Rd if you are coming from Karen side, after the Kenol petrol station, make the next left and then at the next junction make the next right and after about 900 meters you’ll see a sign for Fountain Secondary and it’s that right turn. They are on Google maps in any case.

They also accept bridesmaids dresses and wedding suits for men in case you are looking to donate those.

According to the lady at the shop the donations are primarily from abroad since the whole idea was by a foreigner and that I was the first Kenyan to donate a dress. That made me glad.

(According to her, Kenyans are determined to be buried in their wedding dresses that’s why they hold onto them, which is a valid point but please!)

I thought I’d be sentimental about the whole thing but I was not. I hope the dress finds a good home.

They also make jewelry

Date Ideas – Valentine’s Weekend

I do not celebrate Valentine’s but I get the hoopla around it and anyway this post came from a conversation that happened on Sunday. So here I am – with ideas.

Firstly, if you are planning a Valentine’s thing, who says it has to be on Friday? I mean, the whole weekend is there. So whyever not. Just tell whoever it is you want to spend time with what day.

  1. Pop Up Markets

(before someone says anything YES, INDEED – I did say on Instagram that pop up markets are the new quail eggs). That aside, a pop up especially in a dope location is a good look. And I can only speak of two that I think have a dope vibe if you are going on a date. The one at Chekafe and the one at Arbor. Both are held on Sunday, have good food and drinks and aren’t too packed and would be a good idea.

2. Short, Shorts and Shots

I don’t watch films but this looks like a good time.

As always, date your friends. Always and forever.

Ask Ciiku: Am I overreacting?

Dear Ciiku,

Hey. I’m in a relationship with someone who claims to love me wholeheartedly but will still do things that I’ve repeatedly told them I’m uncomfortable with e.g he’s best friends with a lady friend that they used to stay all night on phone with but he’d delete their interactions. I caught him flirting with her on text a few times but he now claims he’s stopped and it’s just a platonic relationship 🙄. I feel like he loves me but can you really claim to love someone if you are still so selfish? Or am I overreacting and should I just accept their friendship?

B

Dear B

You know what I like about your letter. That you said “he claims to love me wholeheartedly“. You use the word claim. That means while yes he says you, you are not sure you believe it, you aren’t sure because his actions do not match his words. Am I correct in my deduction?

I have to ask: Is there anything he can do at this moment to make you believe fully and without a doubt that he loves you and that you can trust him and that nothing is happening with anyone else? Is the issue with the best friend the only issue the two of you have? What concerns you more: that there is a female best friend that he flirts with, the deletion of the texts, or many other things not mentioned in this letter? I mean, it is quite suspicious that he deletes them and that you know he deletes them (I assume you go through his phone) which means you already don’t trust him anyway (also using the word “caught” speaks volumes B).

My opinion? Let this relationship go.

Love is many things, and more so, it is more than what positive feeling you have for someone. Being loved is easy. Being loved the way you want to be loved? That’s when work needs to be done.

Why do you feel like he loves you? Is he because he says so? Or is it his actions that show that he does? Do you love him?

Sometimes, because we are with someone, the feeling of being chosen or the fact of being in a relationship is termed or labeled as love. That being in a dysfunctional relationship is better than being single – that somehow the fact that we are with someone means there is love. But that is not what love is. I think we assign things to love that shouldn’t be considered love. And even more than that, we tend to ignore people’s actions and focus on their words, which seems to be the case here B. For example, what compels you to check his phone? Is it because you don’t trust him?

If someone declares that they love you, wouldn’t their action indicate that they would do things that wouldn’t jeopardise the relationship or make the person they are in a relationship uncomfortable?Trust must accompany love, being able to trust someone you are in a relationship with is seminal to peace of mind.

I think you need to look long and hard at what you believe love to be, what you would want from an ideal relationship and what you are getting from this person. And remember, above all, love should be fair – to you and for them.

You deserve to be loved the way you want to be loved B. You deserve to love someone worthy of your love. And the truth is, from how you describe it, as little as you do, doesn’t seem to be it.

Ciiku